the urge

Ever get the urge to blog? Yeah, I do too. Problem is when I do I'm usually walking and am nowhere near the computer or my journal (yes, I have a handwritten journal. A poor, neglected handwritten journal). I've had the urge several times over the past couple days, so here it goes. Hope I can do it justice, you know how it goes when the inspiration hits and then flies away.

So I've been reading New Moon by Stephanie Meyer, the sequel to Twilight. Addicting books. But I was really commiserating with the main character, Bella, yesterday. Brett is Edward to my Bella. Maybe it's a general girl thing, but I feel so lucky to have him. Like he is in a plane above me and it is something special and transitory that he's even with me. I cherish every cuddle, every touch in fear that he will one day go away, realize I'm beneath him and go. We've talked about this a couple of times, once before I ever got my hands on Twilight, and he assures me that I'm wrong, that his ex's are ex's for a reason (pardon the grammatical misuse of the apostrophe, it just looks clearer that way) and that of all the girls that hit on him at the coffee stand, all the pre-med and science majors and such, he chose me. It helps, but part of me still clings in fear. It even makes me cry when I think of it, a time without him.

And then last night we went to bed. He stayed up past midnight reading Artemis Fowl: The Opal Deception, a book I picked up from the library for him (and me, I'm just New Moon distracted). So he took my spot and I took his. We were back in the formation we were used to before we moved the bedroom around. And when he turned off the light and curled up around me it was magical. I relaxed so totally by body was lightly buzzing with utter contentment. I silently wished I could feel this all night but was sadly asleep in mere minutes. We both agreed this morning that we had the best night's sleep in some time. He came home for lunch and when I told him some of the descriptive things I mentioned my body was humming almost. He got a sly grin on his face and said "speaking of, how about a hummer?" He deserved it after all ;)

And one more thought. As I stood at the bus stop waiting to come into work I was anxious. Anxius because this is my last week? I thought maybe, but then I realized I was anxious because I left New Moon at home, 3/4 read. I did this on purpose, but it made me anxious. What a hold this book has!

Oh what a sight! Oh what a day!

Good news: I finished my first sock Friday. I have an interview at noon. I got a copy of New Moon from the library (finally!!).

Bad news: My boss told me this is my last week. We're broke. Now I'm depressed.

So when I went downtown to pick up the book I stopped and got a pack of cigarettes. I could use one in my mood. And then I was one hell of a sight in a seemingly out of body way. I was standing in the rain with my black Made hoodie zipped up, hood up holding a vampire novel and smoking. From my vantage point looking down into a puddle I could only see the cigarette, the book under my arm and the hoodie. I could imagine it looked a bit like a bad cliche of a depressed emo goth. But that thought made me smile.

So yeah, that's it. Depressed, trying to cheer up for the interview and worried as hell.